I was sexually harassed

“Sexual harassment is bullying or coercion of a sexual nature, or the unwelcome or inappropriate promise of rewards in exchange for sexual favours.”

I know a lot of people find it really hard to talk about being sexually harassed, but I’ve never found it hard to speak about what happened to me. I believe I’ve told a total of 3 people about my sexual harassment incidents. Yes; all 3 times I’ve felt embarrassed. I haven’t told any of my friends, just 3 of my cousins, NO DETAILS. And I never opened the subject, it just comes up when we talk about a certain someone who happens to be a family member as well.

I’ve been sexually harassed twice in my life. I remember these 2 times very clearly. The first time I was too young to realise it was happening. Yet I knew something weird was going on. The first person to ever sexually harass me, lets just say I wasn’t the only one who he did it to. The second time it happened, I was in the 9th grade, so I was 14 years old.

A lot of people in my country are sexually deprived. Having sex before marriage is extremely frowned upon and most people don’t do it, which results in people turning to porn to feed their sexual hunger. I was around 9 years was when I first saw porn on the internet. Pretty young huh? Well it wasn’t me. It was introduced to me by my mother’s cousin. He’s 5 years older than me so he was in that awkward age where he’s “maturing” into an adult. However, at the time I didn’t understand why he would take me to his hideous room with his light blue walls pretty often to show me naked girls. These images stuck with me for a really long time. It wasn’t just normal porn. He was into urine drinkers and… just urine in general (paraphilia). There were pictures of girls casually bathing in pee and/or drinking it. He would take me up to his room every time I would go to their house with my family. No one knew. Other videos and pictures he showed me had porn stars fisting each other. So he was into that as well. Thanks for ruining my childhood.

As you can guess, I knew about sex when I was pretty young. Although, (you might find this hilarious) I did not know that this is how people reproduce. I thought of it as an activity and that is IT. I still thought babies formed in women’s stomachs by the touch of God. A year or 2 later, I got really close to my cousin who is the same age as I am. We were born on the same year, same month, just a day a part. We were alike in many ways and I was a bit of a tomboy, I bet he liked that. I would play video games with him and knock a football around the house with him and just be goofy and do whatever we want. We were like twins. Around that time, I have stopped going up to pee fetish guy’s room whenever I go visit. I slowly started to see less of him each day. However, he had an older brother. All I knew about his older brother at the time was that he was a computer geek. He would play games on his computer all the time. That’s all I have ever seen him do.

Get this: pee fetish guy introduced me to weird *ss porn, and his older brother sexually harassed me. One day, I was wearing a denim skirt with thick white winter stockings. He was sitting on his computer chair. My cousin & I went up to his room to “play” with his desk collections of some sort and I remember being grabbed by the waist and forced to sit on his laps. Although what I was wearing was really thick, I could still feel him because he was wearing the lightest white trouser there is. He pretended like he was play-fighting with me and he kept doing it over and over and I had no idea what was happening. I really didn’t understand what kind of pleasure he was getting out of this. Months passed and as my cousin & I were sitting and talking he opened up about something very sensitive about the same guy. He told me that he used to make him go up to his room and he would grope him and force him to take down his pants and sexually violate him. He kept telling him if he would let him do whatever he wants to him he would let him play with his toys and games. I think this happened a few times until my cousin stopped going to his house. The thing is that they are really close neighbors.

Obviously he was more traumatised by his incident more than I was with mine. I think that’s when I really got scared. If he’d done this with us, who else has he done this to? Is there anyone else he sexually abused? I wanted to kill that f*cker. We even started to write hate poems about him and start cussing him out at random times. We still hate him. He got married and divorced and now he’s all alone. Karma? I call them psycho brothers.

The second incident that happened to me was in a tuition centre. My frikken math tutor. No wonder why I’m still not good at math. When I was in 9th grade I needed help with math so my mother enrolled me in a tuition centre to improve my mathematical skills. My friends signed up for the programme as well and we took a couple of pre-exam classes together. But I used to go regularly and take individual classes and that is when all the sh*t happens. I still ask myself why I never said anything when I clearly knew that what he was doing was wrong. I know that most of the time I have a passive nature, but there should be a line that if someone’s crosses I should speak up and go like: hey what do you think you’re doing? STOP. But this never happened and I still regret it to this day. What I am really afraid of is that if anything of that sort ever happens again I won’t have a reaction to it and regret it for years.

He would sit next to me in the empty classroom. He would check the door often and turns his head a lot to see if anyone’s there. I finally know why. He was scared that someone would walk in or pass by while he reaches out his arms to my chest and pretend he was going for the pen in my hand. He would actually touch my breast and ask if they hurt. I would look at him strangely wondering why he would “accidentally” stroke my breast 3 times in a row. His eyes locked at me and I sense that he immediately knows like I’m feeling distraught. I was so nervous and scared. He asks me if my breast hurt and I don’t answer. He says that I know girls your age suffer from occasional pain in their breasts. Get your hands off me, pedophile. How I wish I said that to him at the time. My mom picked me up after my class ended, asked me how it was; “fine” I replied. I went home and when the day came that I had to go back to my math tuition classes I begged my mom not to take me. Most of the time she wouldn’t let me skip classes. “you need those classes to pass math” she used to tell me. She was right. But to tell the truth I would rather fail numerous times in math than to go spend 2 hours with the horrible predator. I eventually stopped going.

I never told anyone this. Never have I thought I would, ever. Why would I burden my loved ones with these horrendous incidents? Was it my fault they happened?

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